Breaking It Down

I've always been drawn
to those things
broken
3-legged dogs
purple hearts
children with runny noses
husbands whose birthdays
I've without fail
forgotten
junkies
gangsters
houses without plumbing
cars without transmissions
brakes

oh, but here you are
whole
funny maybe as smart
as me
nothing that needs
fixed
no black body bags
for me now
baby
no army
to join
no abortions to arrange
no answering
machine to screen my calls.

straight up.
never will you suddenly,passionately
grab me up by my
throat
buy me sapphires
ninety days later
the bill has my name on it
the credit report has another
name on the victoria
secret account

how can anyone spend eight
hundred dollars on underwear
how do you pronounce this
name
shanyia?

I've always been drawn
to the broken
hearted
the thrill of the
chase the
kill
bagged
and then baffled
when they rise up
wounded
blinded
and strike the first
in their path
me.


nine thirty
and my day's half over
she doesn't even try
to cover
the bruises
they're nasty
down her arm across
her chest through
her tank top
she buys dramamine
and motrin
and nyquil
her boy's about five or so

I count her change
and close the cash register drawer
and tell Poppy
I'm going for a smoke.

In sixteen days
and eleven
hours I'll be in the boise idaho
airport which is really
nothing more than
blacktop
across a cow
pasture
jumpy but I'll hide it
straight up.
Break it down for me
baby
you'll say
Fast and hard
I'll scramble
the elemental
essential
existential
alliteration when I'm
really nervous.
that ain't breaking it down
baby.
so somewhere in the
vicinity
of Lime
Oregon
or Weatherby
I'll pull the borrowed Honda
off the road.

1999