Domesticity



blue corduroys white converse double knotted
oh baby please don't trip and fall
when I'm eighteen one egg splits divides
gosh I'm sick in the mornings
at nightschool my english teacher urges me on 

I'm in love with jackson browne

I have a spinal
so much codeine back home I lie with the baby on the couch I
see black bugs crawl all over his face, one by one I fail each man in
my life with all my demands turn it down please I want to sleep the
baby's crying could you all please go home now I don't feel too
good 


it's 1976 I have a long denim skirt made out of blue jeans by the most beautiful girl I've ever seen her name is Sheila she lives
with Gary in the crystal ballroom next door to the insurance company where I work for my father in law in Portland. I make up stories in my head about all the people that walk by, I have a volkswagon bus and three dogs, my father in law drives a continental and I am married to his son.


I'm in love with ponyboy Stay Gold


when I grow up I want to be a writer
I want to rock and roll I'm in love with Todd Rundgren I
know all the words to his songs but the kids who are my
friends don't like him they like Boston and Deep Purple
other girls call and invite my husband to their parties I take the
messages and thumb tack them to the bulletin board
I wasn't safe pure I did the unspeakable I loved women I
fucked other men drank too much sometimes got high kept my house too clean spent too much money on a private
catholic preschool read books that left me thinking crazy shit
fucking crazy shit 



but I have a deal with the monster man


I upholster chairs and the couches in stripes and flowers and
checks I sew I quilt I embroider I crochet lace, tat, my Finnish grandmother is dead she leaves me her old work boots my other grandmother says I really should learn how to cook, her whole life all she's wanted is to be a writer

1986 I don't kill the deer but I help butcher there's not that much blood wrapped in white paper and white tape I sauté and bake huckleberry scones and catfish, grill steaks fresh herbs I grow them myself no more top ramen mac and cheese cereal for dinner

if for one minute everybody could be happy at one time.

1999

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